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Don’t let emotions become your enemies

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Women are from Venus and men are from Mars. One of the most accurate clichés that has ever existed and, from my point of view, one of the most widespread misinterpretation. Women and men should be, according to this saying, fundamentally different and this should serve as a pertinent answer for why men are less sentimental and women are more; why men are more practical and women less; in short, why men are so much more suited for so many jobs and attributions while many women aren’t.

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Do men really have no feelings? 

I am not among the persons who believe that men just simply feel less. I believe that when men feel, they even feel deeper than a lot of women. I believe men can suffer more from a break-up or a major disillusion. I believe that men tend to give in to addiction easier, exactly because they cannot cope with their feelings.

Where does the different emotional approach come from then? Why do men seem so more pulled together and emotionally detached at times? From my perspective it just has to do with a conscious, mostly socially-learned ability to control one’s emotions.

We all know that boys that are taught since early childhood to be and become strong men. Of course there is an inborn tendency and there are manly qualities and disadvantages that are just there and are very little dependent on education, but a big part of it is learned and, what is most interesting, it is constructed to give better results in today’s society.

Of course together with emotional control, comes also emotional repression and all the psychological problems that derive from this. Nevertheless in this article my mission is to approach the benefits that come with controlling your feelings.

A person who controls his/her feelings :

  •  –gives others the feeling of trust and stability.
  •  –is easy to talk to
  • -is independent
  • -is free of any imposed judgments and restrictions
  •  –is not making unreflected choices
  •  –is putting himself/herself  first ( or at least among the top priorities).

Every woman that has ever said the words:

life is so much easier for men”, or

“i get along better with men than women” or even  

“as a child i wished i was am man”

was actually, subconsciously ,(also) referring to the emotional intensity-in harder words “drama”- that comes with being a woman. It is not to say that intensity is not good but sometimes things just have to be done with a clear cold mind and a relaxed attitude.

 

Forming instead of repressing

I am not talking about ignoring one’s feelings and repressing every instinct, this would be the most contra productive thing as these are some of the most valuable attributes that a human being has. I am talking about observing your feelings and deciding to form and direct them to your immediate need and advantage.

 

If you for example get offended by a colleague at work, do not retreat in yourself or, even worst, give into it. Think of how men usually deal with each-other when it comes to these things. It is not that they do not care or suffer as well but when it comes to minor incidents they can put such feelings aside and sometimes even laugh about it in order to make their life a lot easier. Once you give into emotions, a whole new world opens up and everything that was professional, fun and impersonal becomes private, deep and very personal. This is great for intimacy but is a setback for the rational, working world. By separating the two entities one gives the other a feeling of liability and reliability. Controlling emotion is a survivor tactic and a skill at the same time.

To be a woman is incredibly good. But if you master your emotions you can be whatever and whoever you want.


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