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Judging people, an unhealthy habit

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Whenever we say someone is ‘this and that’, ‘less’ or ‘wrong’, we actually say we are ‘this and that’, ‘more’ or ‘better’. Have you noticed the secret satisfaction that hides behind this practice?

Why do we judge? 

So, why do we do it, and, even more, get satisfaction out of it? It may be that we grew up in a family where we used to hear a lot of judgement and inherited the habit, or it may be that we developed this habit throughout the years because of what  society values. Just think about this: have you ever judged someone because of his/her lack of education, despised him/her and considered yourself superior? We all do this: separate people, arrange them in boxes and hierarchies.

I used to judge a lot, when I was younger, ’till the point that I would give mocking nicknames to people and friends. It had a funny side,  (Dustin -from Dustin Hoffman-, Snake, Candid Camera), yet it  grew arrogance and hate inside me, that I wasn’t even aware of.  I honestly believed at that time that there was something wrong with them. But the truth is, I couldn’t accept them as they were and decided to mock them.

The judging habit  

I do it, you do it, your parents and teachers do it, people on TV do it. It’s a worldwide epidemic. We all believe others are wrong and we are right!

Have you noticed that we do it especially when the people we judge are not around? Why is that? Is it because we don’t have the courage to tell them what we think or that we aren’t so sure this is really the truth about them? I believe it’s a mix of the 2. And a 3rd reason: we don’t want people to see we have ugly thoughts about them, because that would mean we’re not moral persons.

Judging makes us afraid of being judged

From what I’ve seen, people who are more judgmental are more likely to be afraid of being judged. The criticism we send turns like a boomerang and hits us hard. In fact, if we dare to look deeper, it’s ourselves that we judge ALL THE TIME. When we are not happy with ourselves and consider we are not good enough or beautiful enough we tend to reflect that upon other people.

sweet sixteen Miss P. //1

sweet sixteen Miss P. //1

When we judge we close the door on love

Not only does this habit make us see the world and the people around us (family, friends, teachers, workmates, neighbors) as ugly and wrong, but it constantly postpones our meeting with self-love. We cannot love ourselves unless we love others. And we cannot love others if we don’t love ourselves.

Gigi Ghinea, a psychotherapist said in her book “The love that heals” : “Love yourself so you can love others the way you love yourself.” Isn’t this powerful?

Forgiveness, empathy and compassion.

Seeing the beauty in other people’s eyes, recognizing their struggle and purpose may help us understand nobody is wrong, ugly or bad.

It’s just their behavior at a certain moment and it’s their right to make mistakes (as well as ours) so that they can understand life’s treasures. Forgive yourself for judging people and forgive them for their mistakes. And then, judging fades into the understanding that we were all children having some misunderstandings about others.

All in all, judging may give us a temporarily ego satisfaction, but on the long run it shapes a distorted view on the world, not to mention loads us with emotional burden.

So, switching off judging and replacing it with acceptance and love can reward us with a greater peace of mind and joy.

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