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When love goes wrong

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“I just love him so much. Why can’t he love me back?” Sounds familiar?

Way too often women say or think this and get their hearts crushed and sink into desperation. Where is the problem? Why does such thing as unrequited love exist.

Well, the truth is that such a thing does not exist. I have to share with you a secret that will make me rather unpopular. Love is love and is should not be requited or unrequited. And another unpopular thing that I believe in, is that if you really, truly love someone without expecting anything in return it is almost impossible to not receive love back. It is probably very hard to believe in this but let me get more specific and tell you where you are going wrong and unconsciously pushing love away.

You are setting your mind on people that are emotionally unavailable

You are falling and insisting to have a relationship with a person that at that moment has its heart closed, due to some other things in their life that have probably nothing to do with you, like low self confidence or a broken heart. If you come in someone’s life at the wrong moment when that person is fighting his or hers own daemons, do not be surprised if you will not get all the needed attention.

You are putting too much energy into getting what you want

You decided you want something, and you want it now and you want it all.  You force your love on the other person putting to much enthusiasm and finally desperation. Wanting too much too fast is bad in every situation, why would it be any different in love?

You suffer and become stressed and desperate because that person is not responding in the same way

Becoming desperate because someone is not as excited as you are, is a very big mistake because all that you are sending then is bad energy that will ultimately make the other person not want to be in your presence.

You have a clear plan of where you want the relationship to go

You know that in 1 year you want to be married and in 3 have already 3 kids and you let the other person know about your plans and work hard to make them come true.

You may have heard that this is love,  from Hollywood or the pop culture but the truth is, this is only about you and your plans and maybe social norms. This is not necessarily about the person next to you, or love for that matter.

If you do not get the one you love, you become bitter and blame the other person for not being able to love.

Maybe you are not even that wrong, they are at the moment not able to love, but the truth is that it is not about them, it is very much about you. You put your wishes and expectations on a pedestal and are hurt because the other didn’t do the same.

What should you change?

The truth is all that, all you have to do is love and not expect anything in return and not tie yourself forcefully to another person. Be at your best, believe in yourself and believe you have a lot to offer but you don’t have to force this on the other. Also if you see that a heart is not ready to open do not try to open it with a hammer, but try to knock on it and if it doesn’t open let it be closed for a while.

Most of all understand that it might not have anything to do with you. We cannot chose who we love but we can also not force others to love us and trying to do this is what brings us down. If a person you love is ignoring you, do not transform this love in hate but try to direct it at someone or something else. Understand that you cannot force it and if you did you would just end up miserable. Let yourself love and be loved without any expectations. Just love, let go and open up… to new love.

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