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Vulnerability and shame as birthplace of creativity and love

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vulnerability

 

Vulnerability and shame, unpleasant words carrying a strong negative meaning.

Prof.  Brené Brown specialized in human-connections studies explains in one of the TED conferences why one can’t and shouldn’t fight shame and vulnerability.

Based on a six year research project in the sphere of human shame and fear she established that people that allowed themselves to be vulnerable where actually those who had a stronger sense of worthiness, love and belonging.

People fear vulnerability and go to extents to avoid it. Nevertheless shame and vulnerability are not something that one can avoid, but at best accept, and let transform oneself from the inside. This transformation is nevertheless, normally not a positive one…

The death of some close, a rejection, misfit, loneliness, these are all things that make us vulnerable. We shame ourselves for being weak, we push the pain back, deeper and deeper into our souls and drown it in diversion or compensation through food, alcohol, TV, Internet, sex… anything that can take us as far away from ourselves as possible.

According to Prof. Brown, in order to have a sense of worthiness one needs to learn to be kind and compassionate to oneself; to have the courage to be imperfect; let go of what we believe we should be in order to make room for who we are.

Her advice:

Embrace vulnerability- believe that what makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful.

Believe that you can say I love you first- in a relationship that may or not work. Let yourself be as you are in order to be loved for who you are.

Doctor Brown confesses that she herself had a big problem with vulnerability, which she was determined to fight at every cost, even undergoing therapy,  until the point when she realized that vulnerability is also the birthplace of joy and creativity, love and belonging.

When we numb our hard feelings, we numb joy, we numb gratitude, we numb happiness and we stick our head behind a pile of food or a bottle of beer…

We try to bring facts into our conversations and through this hide uncertainty behind certainty; we pretend that what we do doesn’t have an impact on people and ignore that is actually does…

  • let ourselves be deeply seen
  • love with our whole hearts even if there is no guarantee.
  • practice gratitude and joy- ” for feeling this vulnerable it means we are alive”
  • understand the meaning of  “I am enough”-makes one kinder and gentler to the people around and to oneself.

What does this video mean to me:

This is a week when I myself have  experienced vulnerability. The type that comes with the loss of someone dear and the fear that comes with the loss of a source of unconditional love in ones life. I also found myself toughening up and swallow it down… maybe this is my way of opening up and letting you know you can also open up…  Don’t forget vulnerability is the birthplace of creativity and love.

A sequel of the video can be found under the following link: Brené Brown: Listening to shame

 


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