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5 unhealthy behaviors that prevent us from having good relationships

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Sometimes, when we relate with others – because we are over concerned with our personal stories – we forget about their needs and wishes. We ignore they are beings just like us, with their own worries, hopes and dreams and instead emphasize our own, the moment we interact. And from there on, this ego-centrical attitude grows into unhealthy behaviors that we play every time we deal with them. These keep us happy and satisfied, but ignore and harm the people we are in relations with. And sooner or later, they will get tired of our behavior  that does not take them into account. Eventually they will get out or stop calling back.

In a few words, this means leaving the others out. Do you also do this? Check these 5 types of behavior to see if you do it:

 balanceCreative Commons License Hans Splinter via Compfight

The Butterfly behavior


  • Superficial connection. You like to meet people, but never go any deeper than that. Once you’ve met someone 4 or 5 times you move your attention on somebody new that seems to be more interesting. Just like a butterfly would move to the next flower. People intuitively feel your tendency and are not so interested in you eighter.
  • Lack of empathy. Because life is on the run, you don’t invest too much in relationships and people, therefore cannot connect and feel empathy.
  • Independence till the point of “I’m the only one who matters”.

The Octopus behavior


  • Suffocating care. You might love people, but sometimes you put your arms around them and hold them so tight that  they cannot “breathe”. They feel suffocated with so much attention and interaction and run.
  • You tend to dominate the other and annihilate his/her free will. This behavior goes to the point of imposing other people what is best for them to eat, wear or say.
  • Control obsession: You are insecure about yourself and need to control the other so you can be sure he/she is here to stay with you. Daily phone calls, Facebook spying and unexpected visits are just some of the signs you are obsessed with controlling people. Also, you never think about their need for freedom.

The Mushroom behavior


  •  You tend to be passive and expect others to handle your life.
  • Never give back. You want to receive and receive and receive. You forget it’s a two player’s game and never return the service.
  • Dependence on others. You rely on others and expect to be provided with attention, love, care, money etc…People help you, but at some point they become aware you use them for your needs.

The Teacher behavior 


  • You always show people where they are wrong. They feel criticized and avoid seeing you.
  • You presume people don’t know too much and offer to teach them. You never ask or care if they are interested in your presentations, but you still do it. The truth is, if people are interested in something, they will ask you. Otherwise, you’re just showing off. And risk to bore them. 
  • You believe you hold the truth and are always right. No matter what others have to say, you think that what you want to say is more true and interesting.

The General behavior


  • Commands. You’re always giving orders to others and expect them to obey. 
  • Domination. You might not take into account other people’s need for recognition and equal share in the game.
  • Aggresivity is what you give. You forget people are humans and not iron soldiers to face any kind of hit. If they really love you, they might endure this, but eventually they will find out what gentleness is and leave.


Where do you control or push in your relationships? What do you leave out? Do you ever give back? Do you ever think about your friends’ needs?

Here are a few ideas that can help us:

– Get out of your story

– Give up selfishness

– Consider your friends’ needs

– Appreciate people

– Give up demands and needs to be satisfied.

– Acknowledge that a relationship is a two player dynamic. If you don’t give, you’ll stop receiving.

– Recognize other people’s uniqueness and let them know

– Develop generosity. Give unconditionally and expect nothing.

– Be present in interactions and conversations

Comments (3)

  1. Anonymous says:

    I recognized myself in the octopous behavior. Well, I will try to improve it 🙂

    • Luciana says:

      I think all of us recognize unhealthy behavior in our relationships. I am sometimes a butterfly, sometimes an octopus or a teacher. Laughing at my own mistakes, making amends for them and moving on, helps me have better relationships with real connection.

  2. Diana Guta says:

    I’m so happy this helps you. 🙂

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